Dogged Resolve

I have been absent for a while on this blog. Honestly, I have been so busy with the comings and goings of everyday life that I haven’t taken the time to do anything other than exist. 

He’s gone again. The first week was pure hell around here. Everything that could have gone horribly did. We are in our third week of separation and life is smoothing out a bit here on the home front.  I realized, and it took nothing short of piano falling on my head to realize it, that I can not do everything for everyone all of the time. So, we dropped swim for the summer and baseball. I am attempting to get in touch with my interests again. Parenting is hard (understatement of the century).  College isn’t really very difficult, but college monopolizes every spare moment of my life.  So, I also put off my last several classes until Chris returns from Iraq. In the beginning, I viewed this most recent delay of my needs as an assault. I was angry and resentful that, yet again, I have to put everything on hold so Chris can go be a Soldier for a bunch of people who don’t honestly give a shit if he comes home in one piece and breathing, or in little bits in a box. I mean, Americans talk a big talk, but as soon as the commercial is over, their thoughts are elsewhere. I’ll blame it on iPhones and fast food. Surely, my fellow Americans are not that callous on their own.  Right? 

In less than a year we left Hawaii, and our friends, and the beaches, and the salty air and we moved to the stark and brilliant desert of Arizona. We were there eight months before we were packed and shipped to Kansas. That is a break-neck moving even for the most experienced gypsy. I guess, we were destined to have a break down at some point. The fact that the kids have done as well as they have in the face of such a daunting year is remarkable. I fervently stand by my claims that military brats are the toughest bunch of kids out there. They are the most resilient. They are the most compassionate. They are inspiring. They are the most brave. So, as I was melting down last week, my kids were fortifying their doggedness to make it through another deployment, to adjust to their schools, and to discover new friends. With company like that, it’s hard to keep feeling sorry for myself.