Two weeks down-My not so spooky life

We are two weeks closer to Chris' return.  I am not a woman who scratches the days of the calendar, but it is difficult to avoid the mundane and usually painful daily reminders that it has ONLY been two weeks.  I would like to say that everything went wrong the moment he walked out the door but that would be woefully misguiding.  Actually, aside from a few, short lived personality lapses, we have been alright.  Thomas is, of course, doing everything he can to get attention without saying a solitary word.  That is nothing I find out of the ordinary.  He always has unresolved maternal issues, and I am always three steps away from "fixing" it.  As for the other children, there is nothing to report.

The hardest reality to shoulder about this beast called a deployment, is the quiet.  At ten in the evening, the entire house is silent except for the lull of the washing machine (that runs non-stop).  My mind plays tricks on me.  I hear things that do not speak.  I see things that do not move.  I feel things that are not there.  This no ghost story, sorry to disappoint, but I feel that my emotions and senses are in hyper mode while he is away.  I wake at night and walk, stealthily through the dark, to lay eyes on our children.  I just need to see them, to see that they are alright.  It is not unlike the need to lay a hand on your sleeping newborn to feel her breathing.

My life is not for the easily bored or lonely.  I know women like that.  They are always looking for a way to explain away bad behavior and poor choices.
 "I drink to unwind.  For God's sake!  Can't a woman have a vice?", is said to justify a bad habit used to numb and hide boredom.
"I'm emailing Soldier-Whats-His name because I need help around the house", is always handy when a lonely woman needs male attention.  I think that I have heard them all.  I stay to myself and fend off the crazies by not making appearances.  If they can't see you they can't bother you.
So goes the first two weeks...50 more ahead.

Day Five-Angry today

Today I am angry.  I am angry that Chris fights overseas with so very little concern from the very people who put him there.  It makes me shake when I think that politicians control the very existence of my family.  Those same cod fish, most of them anyway, have NEVER served in the military, and almost none have kids overseas toting M-4s.
Tell me, Mrs. Politician, what do you really know of war?  How many tourniquets have you tied?  How many bad guys have you hunted down?  How many days have you gone without speaking to your kids?  I REALLY want to know!  Tell me, Mr. Politician, if you choose to continue to fight on Capitol Hill, how will that help my country?  How will Americans pay the bills?  Will you still have a roof over your head as I pack mine up?  Where is your heart, backbone and soul, Mr. Politician?  Did you forget you ever had those?  Where did you leave them?  Answer me!

Day One-Our Anniversary

Eleven years ago I married a long haired hippie who worked at a health food store.  He had been a vegetarian for six years and spent hours in meditation every day trying to "find himself".  We promised to never spend a single night away from one another.  How time and children and life change ideals.  Today he is a clean cut, hard working, military intelligence officer who enjoys a medium rare burger and spends hours everyday changing diapers and teaching music theory to his four kids.  We have spent more anniversaries apart than together, and as I type this his plane is sailing towards the bad guys.

He isn't perfect.  He is demanding at times and whiny.  He works too much, way too much.  He is high strung and not at all spontaneous (this is difficult with four kids and an old lady living in your home).  He is sometimes completely thoughtless about the attention I need or the time it takes to wash, feed, dress and corral a family of seven.  However, I have never met a man more dedicated to his children.  He is by far, the best daddy a child could ask for.  He is patient.  He is focused.  He will expend days on projects that I wouldn't even consider doing  with the kids.  He cherishes every little drawing, every tiny effort.  When I feel tired of him as a spouse, I remember that he is a wonderful father.  That is all I really ever wanted.  I wanted a man who would always choose his kids, no matter what the alternative.  I want a man who puts his children before me, because I do the same. 

They will never truly understand how much that man loves them.  It is possible that they will even blame him for working so much or being gone so often.  They will fail to remember the hours at the skate park or the moments correcting their timing on a music piece.  I will remember it though. 
Happy Anniversary to the most incredible man I know.  I am a lucky girl.