Why are military families stronger
than other families? The answer is
surprising. We aren’t. We are no more resilient, inventive, or
thick-skinned than any other wife, or husband, or girlfriend, or child out
there. We have been given the
opportunity to flex those muscles more often than the average
relationship. And just like any other
muscle, the more you condition it, the more weight it withstands, and the more
stress it adapts to. No person can
anticipate when the tough times will hit.
In no situation in life will tragedy or hardship present itself to you
before it happens, or very rarely anyway.
So, most people move through their lives oblivious to the coming thunderstorms.
Us military folk, the ones of us
dumb enough to choose to raise our families here, have an advantage over the
ordinary families. Ordinary is not meant
as an insult; in fact, I envy some parts of ordinary life we don’t have access
to. We military people are able to brace
for the sheer of the winds about to blow against our children and
marriages. Whether it is a gift or a
curse is solely the unique opinion of the family with their faces to the
storm.
The physical conditioning of the
military's service members is no vanity.
These warriors run and lift every day knowing that it may be necessary
to carry a wounded buddy on their backs to safety. That event rarely happens at the best of times. It usually arises through a tempest of bullets and blood. If they aren’t strong enough for the fight,
someone may be left behind. So, the military imposes
strict guidelines for strength and speed and dexterity, insuring that all
warriors are equipped and accustomed to the strain that may be placed on their
shoulders.
My family works the same way. We see that the fight is coming. We say goodbye over and over again for
trainings, and schools, and NTC’s, and PCSes.
We learn to balance the delicate emotional needs of our children and
pets and ourselves (some days we are better at this than others). The 24-hour staff duty shifts and
endless days at motor pool for the service members allow us at home to
strengthen our emotional fortitude. If
it weren’t for these exercises, no one would be able to say goodbye for months
and years on end without losing their minds eventually.
Yes.
All the crap, and by crap I mean the seemingly stupid reasons the
military sends our loved ones away, is as much a strengthening of our skills as
theirs. It still sucks. It still hurts. It still stretches us to our breaking points
as families. But imagine how quickly our
muscles would fatigue during the tough times if we had never before used them?
I am no fitness guru, as
demonstrated by my flabby thighs and dimply butt cheeks, but just as our
service members train themselves to eventually carry the weight of a friend on
their backs, we must train our families to carry the weight in the
absence of their fathers, mothers, and siblings. We may not actually carry anyone out of the
path of bullets, but the consequences for not being ready for the fight are
just as dire.
Teach your kids to be tough. Teach your kids to control their inclinations
to be dramatic. Teach your kids to be
helpful. Never tell them not to feel sad
or worried. Show them, by example
that although life can be overwhelmingly difficult at times, the storm always
passes. It can’t rain forever. If you lay in the gutter during the
thunderstorm you will drown. If you teach
yourself and challenge yourself to act with courage, then you will be ready,
your muscles will not snap free from their bones as you stand against the gales
of deployments and TDY’s. You will be
okay. Your children will emerge
stronger, more resilient, and forever bettered by the fact that they withstood
a torrent of adversity...or at least I think so... (;
Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if
you've only had wonderful things happen to you.
-- Mary Tyler Moore
